I am miserable and drowsy in the way you get when you've been at a bar drinking for a while but not at a solid pace and you kind of get a buzz going for a little bit and you laugh at a thing or two and chip in a story of that time when you were in study abroad but you don't tell stories that well so it's not that funny but whatever and later you give a bitch please look to someone who bumps into you at the bar but only to their back because you don't want to start something and then "Womanizer" comes on the really shitty playlist the place has going so you groove in a mocking way with awkward but energetic moves like one-handed roof-raising while making your fake look I'm cool I'm dancing face which is really just gaping in mock surprise and you're purposely hoping that all of this effort is showing that you obviously think it is a stupid song but really you kind of love it and frankly it's a little obvious but despite the small dance break the night's not that fun and doesn't look like it's going to get that way and you start to get tired and participate half-heartedly and then you get annoyed that you're tired and not that drunk even though you've spent like $30 already on weak vodka tonics and your friend is getting pretty drunk and batting her eyes at this dude who's a friend of your friend you came to the bar with and she is practically guffawing "I KNOW!" every six seconds and really loudly at whatever the dude is talking about and because you're kind of sober now and miserable and tired she just looks pretty pathetic and then you start to ponder life and people and relationships and the mystery of happiness and you start to get quiet and sad so you twist your expression into a less miserable expression that says I'm lame I know as you say goodbye to your friends and give them excuses like oh yeah long day I need to rest but really you did nothing all day but that's a minor detail they don't need to know so you go home and stay up longer on the internet even though you're super tired at this point and the whiskey shot you thought earlier could salvage the evening is really making a racket in your stomach now but you can't do anything about it but sleep so you sculpt your pillows into a sleep nest and then the next day you hear that after you left everyone went to this other bar and the cast of Gossip Girl was there and they did shots with Chuck Bass and then everyone started dancing and it was so much fun omigosh you should've been there and then you feel even more miserable because you missed Chuck Bass.
I think I'll go to bed now. Too bad I didn't take an Ambien because then I wouldn't remember any of this.
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